Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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