OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
