OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
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You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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