I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
