Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
