I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
