Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
