3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You are the jesus of drinking
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor