Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
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If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
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Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...