she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.