How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
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Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
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he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.