Will you blow on my dice?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
