everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
