Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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