i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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