I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
