We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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