We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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