in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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