Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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