Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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