he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
