he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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