A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
