I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
