About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
