Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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