I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
