you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Quick, to the slutcave!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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