What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just threw up on my dentist
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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