Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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