a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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