I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize