I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
