Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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