She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
What a dumb baby whore.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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