Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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