Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
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what is it with giant penises always finding me
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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