i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
