I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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