i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
