He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
