you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
cat food counts as protein by the way
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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