you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
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Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
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Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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