upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am mentally ready for anal.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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