You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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