I just saw a hot homeless man
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
