just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
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If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
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I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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