i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
