How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
