First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
