sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on