there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.