If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
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but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
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It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out