dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....