"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?