You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
