I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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