we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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