# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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