you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
