Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
