Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
