pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
